


miles to go before i sleep

by makemelovely



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Murder, Oral Sex, POV Third Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Robbery, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 10:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13029273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: Everything falls apart at some point. They were no different./or the one where Jughead and Toni are on the run from the Ghoulies and along the way they meet some people.





	miles to go before i sleep

"We have to go!" Jughead shouts, fingers wrapped tightly around Toni's wrist. She blinks, the gun heavy in her hand. It's hot and her hand is shaking. Did she really do that? "Come on, Toni." Jughead hisses, yanking her to his shitty van that they jokingly called the Mystery Machine. He pulls the side door open and pushes her in where she drops against the seat filled with food wrappers and empty cans. She miraculously hasn't dropped the duffel bag full of cash. Jughead climbs over her to the driver's seat where he turns the key and slams on the accelerator when the car starts. Toni numbly reaches for the van door and slides it shut, collapsing on the seat and curling into a ball. Her heart feels heavy in her chest and she can't really feel anything through the numbness spreading slowly thoroughly her body. It had started in her hands and spread to her arms before sliding down into her legs and feet. She does notice that Jughead keeps glancing back at her, dark eyes shadowed with something akin to pity. That look makes Toni want to punch him.

"I had to." Toni mumbles, throat tightening.

"Yeah. You had to." Jughead agrees, turning away and practically slamming his foot on the accelerator. His eyes are on the road, darting between the speedometer and the mirrors.

Toni keeps saying it like a mantra. If you say something enough times you'll believe. Right?

Why isn't it working?

-

Jughead leaves the car idling and hurries into the trailer. He grabs a bag and stuffs clothes in it. Jackets, jeans, shirts. He grabs some of Toni's stuff, bras and underwear. On second thought, he should pack some underwear too. He grabs a hairbrush and the two tubes of toothpaste plus the toothbrushes. He grabs some food from the kitchen and the diet coke that Toni likes so much. He grabs a few water bottles and cans of root beer and then grabs a few pillows and blankets. He grabs Toni's camera, a charger, and Toni's beat up phone with the cracked screen, and his spotless mint condition phone. They have the same phone type so the charger will work for both of them. He grabs some dog food and Hotdog's leash before calling Hotdog and taking him to the car. He runs back inside real quick and grabs a few sentimental things. Pictures of them over the years that might help Toni think clearly. He grabs his wallet and Toni's purse, stuffing it with feminine things she might like. He also grabs some shampoo and conditioner and body wash, forgetting that if they stop at a motel they supply those things.  
Jughead stops at the threshold of the dingy trailer he had felt stuck in over the years. He swallows hard, tears building in his eyes. This had been his home for many years. How could he leave without a second thought?

"Juggie?" He turns and there is Toni, brown eyes wide. "Talia texted. They're coming. We have to go." She blinks, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"We're leaving." He says, shutting the door and ushering her to the car. She climbs into the passenger seat and he can't help but reach over and squeeze her hand.

"I'm sorry." Toni pleads, turning helpless eyes toward him.

Jughead swallows roughly, finding the air to be a little hard to breathe. "Don't be." He smiles, his voice hopelessly reassuring.

Both of them know she should be and she is. But it's okay because neither of them will say it out loud. They will think it and it will be evident in their eyes but they will not say it. That's what counts.

-

"We didn't get a map." Toni notices after two hours of silence.

"We are just going to drive the fuck around in the middle of shit places until we find one they won't." Jughead informs her, arm slung around her shoulder. "We don't need a map. We never have and we never will." They both pretend like they have future to look forward to. They killed someone but they pretend they will dream about a home and place to settle down instead of the blood on their hands.

Toni nods instead of voicing her thoughts. "Never have and never will." Her hands are still shaking.

"Nope." Jughead glances away from the road, tapping his hand on her shoulder. "We are going to be okay." He promises her, running a hand through her hair to soothe her. He's not in the position to make promises like that.

-

Jughead leans over Toni, gently shaking her awake. Her eyes flutter open, blinking drowsily at him as he smiles softly at her. "Hey, Toni. Got us a motel room. You know what that means?"

"A bed and a shower." Toni said, yawning. She unbuckled her seatbelt and stretched sleepily.

Jughead nodded, opening the slide door and grabbing their bags. "Correct. Got it in one." He smirked at her, chuckling when she swatted his arm. "Come on, oh genius one, let's go get some showers and sleep."

"Sounds fabulous." Toni stumbled out of the car, bumping the door shut with her hip, and taking one of the bags from Jughead's outstretched hand. "I'm dying for a shower." She complained, tugging on the ends of her pink hair. "I think I'm dying of grease overload."

"You're telling me. I think this goddamn hat absorbs grease and waits for the worst moment to unleash it's greasy load." Jughead said, taking his hat off and running a hand through his hair before putting his hat back on.

Toni's lips quirked up into a smile. "Hat conspiracy. Totally true." Toni quipped, nudging his hip.

"Damn straight." Jughead nodded, bumping her back. They paid in cash, and the moment they entered the motel room Toni stripped her shirt off and tossed it on the bed. She sat down on the bed and pulled her shoes off, dropping them haphazardly on the floor. Then she pulled her socks off and began unbuttoning her jeans before moving in to the bathroom and turning the shower on. After a minute or so, Jughead heard shout something to him.

"Hot water is a godsend!" She shouted to him over the sound of the water running.

"Nice to know." Jughead called back, pulling his shoes and pants off, leaving his socks on. Then he crawled into bed, shutting his eyes and listening to the soothing sound of Toni singing off key in the shower. After a while he heard the water turn off and eventually Toni crawled into bed with him. They had gotten a single. She curled around him and Jughead moved his arm to allow his fingers to sift through her wet hair.

"I'm sorry." Toni whispers, and Jughead can tell she's staring at him despite the darkness of the motel room.

"I know." Jughead pulls Toni closer, hugging her tightly to his body. "I know." He says as he feels her tears through his shirt. Eventually, Toni cries herself to sleep and

Jughead stays up for a few hours, thinking over the events of the past few hours.

-

The morning is better, Toni thinks as she blinks slowly. The sun creeps in through the windows and everything looks softer in the early morning light. It's not as harsh as the middle of the afternoon or as dark as the night. It's something Toni's always enjoyed. Photographing or just looking, it never mattered much. She can hear the shower running, the mindless drip of the water is comforting. It helps lull her into a sense of comfort, something she desperately needs. I killed someone, she thinks as her body begins to shake. Shivers erupt up and down her spine and her heartbeat quickens in her chest. Luckily before she falls down that dark hole, the bathroom door opens and Juggie comes out. His dark hair is damp and his pale skin is marred by scars and a snake tattoo on his hip.

Once he sees her frightened eyes, he rushes forward, pulling her up and into his arms. His skin is cold and wet but Toni burrows closer, ducking her head into his collarbones and breathing in deeply. "I can't stop thinking about it. About him." Toni gulps, pulling back to meet his gentle eyes.

"You have to, Toni. It was self defense, he was threatening you." Jughead murmurs, brushing his thumb against her cheekbone.

"I killed a human being, Jughead. How do I come back from that?" She begs him to answer her, begs him to soothe the hurricane in her heart. It rages, a whirlwind of emotions she can't possibly hope to control.

"We'll do it together." Jughead promises another promise he can't possibly keep. But he'll promise her a million impossible things over if it will help her.

Toni nods, eyes shiny. "Yeah." She mumbles, voice thick. "Together."

She's got to get better. She just has to.

-

They get breakfast at some rundown café that surprisingly makes good eggs. Jughead asks for another omelet and Toni chews slowly on her chocolate chip pancakes. "How was your shower?" She asks as she swallows her bite and takes a sip of the chocolate milk she ordered. A healthy breakfast, Jughead thinks while a grin slips across his face.

"Great." Jughead smiled, shoving the last forkful of omelet in his mouth and scraping the last of his hash browns onto his fork. "These are heavenly."

Toni smiles, sliding her plate to Jughead. "Try the pancakes." She demands softly, her eyes lighter than they had been for the past twelve hours. "But give them back, Juggie." She added, arching an eyebrow expectantly.

"All right, all right." He raised his hands up in a show of surrender before grabbing his fork and cutting a piece of the pancakes to eat. "Mmm." Jughead groaned, chewing slowly to savor the taste of the pancakes.

"There has to be something awful on the menu, though. Nothing could be this great." Toni wondered, continuing to eat her pancakes.

Jughead spoke without thinking. "You are." He froze, accidentally allowing the suffocating silence to grow thicker.

Toni stood, dropping her fork onto the plate with a clunk. "I have to use the bathroom." Jughead wishes he would have just kept his damn mouth shut for once.

-

They drive for days and end up in a tiny town in New York. Sweet Valley is the name on the welcoming sign when they drive in. Toni is asleep in the backseat, sprawled across the back seat. Her arm is thrown over the side of the seat and her hand lays flat against Hotdog's back. Her nails are painted black and they are chipping. Her jeans are dark, her shirt a light blue, and her leather jacket is thrown across her stomach, a blanket of sorts. Her head is laying on her arm, pink hair a mess against the old seat. Her legs dangle off the edge of the seat and her thick black boots look shiny in the streetlights. Jughead is driving, leather jacket tugged tightly on his black long sleeved shirt. His jeans are the plain blue and his black sneakers are beat up. His dark hair hangs in his eyes a little and his beanie is somehow still looks sharp as if it was recently bought. His eyes are tired, and Toni should have started driving hours ago but Jughead refused to let her. She needed her sleep, he had protested. He pretended that he hadn't needed as much sleep as her but he really did. Jughead was exhausted deep in his bones. His stomach ached and his hands felt dead on the steering wheel. Eventually, he spotted and advertisement for a motel and sought it out, grinning with triumph when he found it.

He paid for the room and opened the door, leaving it open while he went back for Toni. He scooped her in his arms and carried her to the room, taking her shoes and socks off before tucking her into the bed. "Juggie?" She mumbled sleepily, eyes almost entirely shut.

"Shh." He whispered, yanking his shoes off and crawling into spot beside her. "Go back to sleep, Toni." He breathed, brushing a strand of pink hair away from her face.

She closed her eyes, curling closer to him. Her hand found its way to the spot on his chest where she could feel the comforting thump-thump-thump of his heartbeat. "Love you." She murmured, falling asleep the second the words left her lips.

"Love you too." He replied, a soft smile tilting across his lips. Toni is all he has now. Toni, fierce and furious. Toni, pretty and particular. Toni, all her shades of gray and pink. Leather and light blue. A snake on her skin, poised to strike and a snake in her eyes, ambitious and hungry. Toni is everything and something, something more than the bleary life she was given. She likes burgers and salads, ranch dressing drizzled on thickly. She likes chocolate shakes and boys and girls. She kisses the girls harshly, devouring them with the kind of intensity that Jughead craves. She kisses the boys sharply, drawing blood with every bite against their lips. She is always in control, in charge. She thrives as a leader and as a follower she is calculating. She plans her take downs and breathes complicated issues and fixes them with every exhale. Jughead thinks his favorite thing about her is that she calls him Juggie.

They are best friends, past present and future. Hopefully, if they have a future. Everything is up in the air.

-

They get lunch at a diner called Pop's. It has a charming quality to it, an old vibe that speaks retro in bold words. They get huge burgers, fries, and milkshakes before pigging out. They eat tons of food, swiping fries from each other despite their own abundances of fries. They joke and giggle together, swapping thoughts without an additional regret. They are in the middle of an intellectual conversation when they hear somebody clear their throat. It's a girl with blonde hair pulled into a very tight high ponytail. She's wearing jeans, a long sleeved blue shirt, and white converse. She has a wholesome vibe about her, one that is vibrantly obvious with the bright blue eyes and happy smile stretching across her lips.

"Hi, I'm Betty Cooper. I've never seen you two around before. Are you new in town?" She asks, hands clasped in front of her body in a perfect portrayal of a good girl.

Toni and Jughead exchange smirks and bemused glances. "Sort of." Toni answers, reaching across the table to tap Jughead's hand. He nods and waves over a waiter, asking about the dessert options.

"We'll have three slices of chocolate cake, a vanilla milkshake, and two chocolate milkshakes." Jughead orders, tacking a thank you when the presumably high school boy nods. "Join us." He commands, the command disguised as a question.

Betty nods, dropping into the seat next to Toni. "What are your names?" She asks. A matching mischievous glint sparks in Toni and Jughead's eyes. This girl will be fun.

-

"How long are we staying?" Toni whispers that night, meeting Jughead's eyes from the other end of the bed. Betty Cooper lays between them, legs thrown over Jughead's. She's sleeping soundly, her body and head tilted toward Jughead while one of her hands is clasped loosely around Toni's.

Jughead drops her gaze to look at Betty, eyes fond and a little soft. "I'm not sure." Toni feels a sharp sword of bitterness slicing up her insides. It's jealousy because this fondness he has for this little blonde girl who smiles sweetly at him will not end well. They are being hunted and attachments are of no use to them. She turns over, closing her eyes and drifting into nothingness. Toni wakes up in the middle night and she's still holding Betty's hand.

-

Jughead doesn't know why he feels this pull towards Betty. She's beautiful, sure. But he's not quite sure that's it. She's funny, and smart. Betty brings light to most situations and she is so thoughtful. She's caring, and respectful. Jughead wants to be rid of this though. This insane attraction to a girl who has probably never thought a bad thing in her entire life. Still, he's a guy and she's hot and his motor starts to run in the shower that morning when he wakes up next to her. He wraps a hand around a certain part of his anatomy and with a few quick tugs there is more than water spilling down the drain.

He gets out of the shower, drying his body quickly and yanking his boxers and jeans on before pulling his black shirt on. He stumbles out of the bathroom, dropping onto the bed next to the blonde he had been fantasizing about. "Hey, Cooper. Get up."

"Go away, Mom." She murmurs, rolling over onto her side.

"Not your Mother, Betts." The nickname slides out of his mouth before he can think about it.

Betty sits up, a blush staining her pretty cheeks. "Clearly, Jug." She mumbles, sliding out of bed and going into the bathroom. The second the door closes, Toni turns to Jughead, her eyes bright with panic.

"What the fuck are you thinking?" She hisses, brown eyes glinting with fury. "A nickname? Goddamn, Jug," the nickname tumbles from her lips as if she was spitting acid at him. "could you possibly grow more attached?"

"Toni-" He began to say but Toni cut him off.

"Have fun with your girlfriend, Jug." She spat, stomping out of the motel room and slamming the door. He groaned, dropping facedown on the bed,

Betty wandered out, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Is everything okay in here?" She questioned. "Where's Toni?" She asked innocently.

-

Toni storms out of the shitty motel room, tears falling angrily down her cheeks. She swipes them away angrily, shoving her hands in her jean pockets. She walks down the street, boots thunking loudly on the gray sidewalk. She moves without thinking, her feet carrying her far away from the Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper Show. It's a sitcom, you see. They will have horrible things happen and then it will all be okay because they love each other. Because they want to be together. Toni scoffs, kicking her heel against the sidewalk and veering off path, disappearing into a wooded area. She weaves through trees and bushes, scouting around poison oak and patches of mud. She ignores the sun peaking high into the sky and she ignores when is begins to sink. Toni eventually finds her way to a river. It is rushing, swarming over rocks and the gray looks menacing in the soft darkness of early evening. She drops next to it, her fingers dangling in water that is icy to touch. It's a shock to her system, one that jolts her into the present. Toni thinks for a long time. She thinks about Jughead, thinks about Betty. Thinks about them together. The thought is a little sickening, and Toni considers the possibility of her being hopelessly, madly in love with Juggie. Her Juggie. But he's already Betty's Jug.

He can't be both of theirs because they need different things. Betty needs a Jughead to stay and Toni needs one who will leave at the drop of a hat.

In the early morning light, Toni stands up and finds her way back to the motel room. She walks in and there is Jughead, staring at her. She goes to bed without saying a word.

-

"Is Toni okay?" Betty asks the next night, watching Toni pace around the hotel room. She's cagey, fingers twitching against her thighs.

"I'm not sure." Jughead replies, watching Toni curiously. He doesn't know why her anxious movements are causing his stomach to twist unpleasantly. Something hard knots in his stomach and the paranoia he had managed to push to the back of his head crept front and center.

Toni glances out the window and her phone buzzes. Jughead's head snaps to her, fists curling. "You turned your phone on?!" He snaps, shooting to his feet. "Why the hell would you do that?" He steps forward but Betty's hand curls around his bicep, tugging him back.

"Jug stop-" She starts to say but Toni interrupts.

"They are coming, Juggie. They are on their fucking way right this second. Tessie says they are a few miles out and we are still here. We have to leave." She pleads, stepping forward to clutch his shirt. "Juggie, we are on the run. We have to fucking move sometime."

Jughead shakes his head, panic flaring wild and bright in his dark eyes. "No. Not now. I can't leave now, Toni, do you understand?" His hands are flying through the air to disguise the fact that they are shaking. His heart hammers in his chest even as denial runs rampart in his veins. He has to leave because they will kill them. If he stays he will be signing not only his own death warrant but Toni's too. And he just can't do that. "Come with me." He spins to face Betty, striding forward to grab Betty's hands.

"What?" Betty blinks at him, startled. "Jughead, I can't." She frowns, rubbing circles on his hand with her thumb.

"Why?" Jughead inquires, feeling the familiar building of tears. This is the first girl he could possibly love in that way.

"I have a life here, Jug." She explains, soothingly rubbing his hand. "I can't just up and leave."

Jughead can hear the slight whine in his voice even as he tries to quench it. "Why not?"

"I can't." She says. It's as simple as that, Jug thinks sadly.

Toni touched his arm and he jerked in surprise. Their bags were packed and everything was ready to go. Jughead winced, he had thought he had more time. "We have to go."

"Walk me to the car?" Jughead requests.

Betty nods, a smile break out over her lips. "It would be my honor." She laughs.

They walk slowly and eventually it is time to go. The van is packed and ready to escape the tiny town and Jughead feels a bit like he can't breath. "I have to say goodbye." Jughead says suddenly, yanking the door open and ignoring the way Toni yells his name. Jughead ran to Betty, crushing his mouth to hers. He idly thinks she tastes like vanilla and bubblegum. He pulls away, grinning like a fool. "I think I love you." He confesses, holding her tightly in his arms.

But Betty smiles at him sadly. "I don't want you to think. I want you to know."

Jughead numbly gets back in the car, shutting the door loudly. It feels like he's lost something he never actually had.

-

"I'm sorry." Toni finally breaks the silence that has stretched over them for hours that feel like an eternity.

"What are apologizing for this time?" Jughead's voice is hoarse and resigned.

Toni glances over at him, dark eyes concerned. "I know you liked her." Is all she says. Jughead just nods and turns back to gaze out the window, weather dismal. The sky is dark gray and light rain taps against the window as if it's asking to be let in. Toni continues driving to Maine.

-

"I really liked her, Toni. I really fucking liked her." Jughead turns bleary eyes to his best friend.

Toni smiled sadly, stretching her hand across and squeezing his hand gently. "I know."

"I could have fallen in love with her. I really could've." His throat felt tight, and his eyes watered with unshed tears.

"Honestly." Toni teases, her voice gentle.

"Truly." Jughead answers, a tear falling down his cheek. Toni doesn't say anything, just offers her silent support.

-

They end up in Riverdale, a tiny town in Maine. There is a diner called Pop's and a drive in. Toni stumbles into Pop's, shaking off the rain drops that cling to her skin. "The biggest burger you got please." Toni requests, shoving her hand in her pocket and searching for the twenty. "And a strawberry milkshake." She added to her order, sitting down in a booth. She pulls the new phone she bought out and plugs the earbuds in, putting some music on that would probably give the elderly diner owner a heart attack.

"Here's your order." A pretty girl with black skin says, dropping the burger on a plate and sliding the milkshake over to Toni. "Is strawberry your favorite flavor?" She asked, scribbling something down with a pen.

"I like all flavors of milkshakes," Toni squinted, leaning forward to see the girl's nametag. "Josie."

Josie nodded, dragging her phone out of her pocket when a soft sound rings out. Josie rolled her eyes, tapping out a reply and presumably hitting send before a twinkle glowed in her brown eyes. "My friend Cheryl is having a party tonight. Want to come?" Her lips quirk up into an inviting smile and Toni hesitantly takes a sip of her milkshake.

Toni's not entirely sure why she says yes but she can't describe the feeling in the pit of her stomach that says she can't say no.

-

Toni drags him to a party, Jughead wearing the jeans he hasn't washed in two days and a shirt he stole from a store that he can't remember the name of. His fingers tap anxiously against his thigh and his arm is wound around Toni's waist. He leans closer, smelling the vanilla scent of her hair. "When can we go?" He asks, one hand wrapped firmly around her hip.

"Soon, Juggie." She promises, kissing his shoulder.

"You came!" A drunk black girl in a pretty pink dress and cat ears exclaims, falling messily on Toni. She loops her arms around Toni's neck and curls into her side, head going to the crook of Toni's neck.

"Josie!" A gorgeous girl with waist length red hair shouts, stomping forward. Her hands fly to her hips and her lips are painted red and twisted into a scowl. "Get your ass back into bed, you smell like an alcoholic." She complained, stopping when she noticed Toni. "Hello." She greeted, forcing a smile on her lips. It became genuine when Toni smiled back hesitantly.

Their hands brush together as Toni passes Josie off to Cheryl. It sends a sinking feeling in Jughead's chest because Toni gives her entire heart with her smile and he knows it'll only end in heartbreak.

He feels worse when he finds them making out, hands on hips and in hair. Their mouths are glued together and they look so happy. Jughead's heart aches for them.

-

They both remember that night differently. Toni remembers it as a gun in her hand, impossibly heavy and impossibly cold. She remembers it in slow motion, and then not at all. The gun and Jughead's hand in hers are the only things she really remembers.

Jughead remembers it clearly. They had been planning the heist on the Ghoulies for months and now was the time. They had gotten tons of money, thousands packaged together. The duffel bag had been heavy but Toni insisted on carrying it out. He had seen them first, following them out the door with knives and guns clenched tightly in their meaty hands. Jughead had pushed Toni behind him, lips turned down into a scowl. The leader came after them, a grim gleam in his eyes and murder in his cruel smile. The knife had glinted in the terrible lighting of the room that was awkwardly clean, and then there was a sound. A ringing gunshot that bounced all around Jughead's brain. Jughead turned, heart frozen in his chest. Toni was standing beside, back straight and gun pointed at Gary Ghoulie's chest. Her dark eyes were wide with fear, and her hands were steady. That was the weird thing. And then she began to shake, a little at first and the gun began to visibly tremor in her hands. Jughead reacted instantly, catching Toni's arm and pulling her away from the room and to the van. He shut the door and the rest was history.

-

Toni stretched softly, smiling at the mess of red hair that lay spread against her pillow. Toni nudged her, giggling as she groaned and buried her head in Toni's stomach. "Morning, Sleeping Beauty." She teased, brushing the red curls away from a pale face.

Cheryl Blossom blinked, moaning softly when she moved her arms. "Morning, Tori."

"Toni." She corrected with a frown, growing puzzled when the redhead smirked.

"I know." She said, her demeanor airy. Cheryl rolled out of the bed, wrinkling her nose as she straightened her meticulous black dress. "Where's the bathroom?"

Toni smirked, pointing out the only other door that didn't lead out of the motel room. "It's the only other door in her that doesn't lead outside, babe." Cheryl flipped her off as she entered the bathroom.

"I'm using your toothbrush." The beautiful girl called over her shoulder.

"All right." Toni followed her, sliding smoothly out of bed and wandering into the bathroom after the infamous Blossom girl.

She watched as Cheryl brushed her teeth, and frowned at her reflection in the mirror. "Ugh. I look naked." She complained, rubbing a finger along her lower lip.

"You're wearing a dress? I mean, it leaves nothing to the imagination but I like it. A lot." Toni stepped behind her, weaving her arms around Cheryl's waist. She tucked her head on Cheryl's shoulder and she leaned her head against Toni's.

Cheryl laughed but it sounded more indulgent than anything else. "My red lipstick. It's my signature, of course. I feel naked without it. I must've washed it off last night." Cheryl whined, eyes only on her reflection in the mirror.

"More like it rubbed off on me." Toni exclaimed, stepping back and pulling her shirt up to reveal the red mark on her ribcage. Her eyes sparked to life when she noticed Cheryl swallow.

"I can repay the favor of staining your skin red." Cheryl offered, sinking to her knees. Toni's heart hammered in her chest at the sight of Cheryl on her knees and sliding Toni's underwear down her legs.

-

"I think I'm gay." Cheryl Blossom says to Jughead Jones over a plate of fries that are bigger than anything she's ever eaten. Even when she was ten and hadn't eaten for six days because of the magazine her mother gave her to follow instructions on. God, it had felt like she'd never stop eating.

"What?" He gasps, choking on a fry. He quickly gulps down some of his milkshake and clears his throat. "What do you mean?" He finally asks, running a hand through his beanie-less hair. Toni had swiped it from him that morning, claiming she needed it to complete her look. She had been trying really hard to look good for Cheryl lately.

"I think I'm a lesbian." She repeated, taking a bite of the french fry in her hand. It was especially weird for Jughead because who the hell takes a bite of a french fry without just eating the entire thing at once.

Jughead forced himself to say something unrelated to her inability to eat a whole french fry at once. "Why?" He asked.

"Toni." The girl spits out as if the name is poison. "I just want to kiss her the whole time and not even just kiss her. I'd be content to just hold hands with her!" Cheryl exclaimed, her eyes wide and horrified. "Cheryl Blossom is not content with holding hands. That just doesn't happen." She muttered, frowning.

Jughead rolled his eyes, chewing on a fry and swallowing it quickly. "That doesn't necessarily mean you're gay, Cheryl." He pointed out, grabbing another fry. Oh, what the hell. Grabbing seven more fries and shoving them all at once, Jughead allowed himself a moment of complete bliss.

Cheryl looked pained, leaning over to mutter something quietly. "Toni's not the first girl to make me feel this way. Well, I mean Toni is special for sure. She's the one I've felt the best with, the most hundred percent happy with but she's not the first girl. There was my friend Josie and this girl named Polly and another girl with the last name of Cooper." Jughead's mind immediately flashed to his own Cooper. Betty, blonde and bright eyed. "And boy's don't really do it for me. There was this one guy named Andrew or something and I had sex with him but I never really felt something, you know? It was totally uncomfortable and I didn't even, er, arrive." Jughead winced at the visual image of Cheryl arriving and he felt like he needed to bleach his brain.

Jughead decided he needed to be frank with Cheryl. "So what if you're a lesbian?" He asked point-blank. "There's nothing wrong with it and I don't think Toni will care if you're a lesbian. She'd probably care if you were straight though. So you're good there."

Cheryl rolled her eyes, flipping her red hair over shoulder dramatically. "Hardee har har." She paused, a smile sliding across her lips. "Thanks, Jones. You really helped me. But don't ever mention this again, okay?" She demanded, leaving the diner as quickly as she could. She left Jughead, an uneasy feeling rocking in his stomach. It made him feel sea sick. Cheryl was interested in Toni, possibly long term. Toni was looking at Cheryl with heart eyes, stars in her eyes that she would gladly pass to Cheryl so long as she was able to look at the redhead. This was a tragedy, and Jughead never liked tragedy. He preferred mysteries but there was no mystery in how this would end.

-

"I'm a lesbian." Cheryl announced, dropping onto the bed beside Toni. "What?" The girl asked when Toni shot her a bewildered look.

"Why are you telling me you're a lesbian?" Toni asked, reaching a hand out and taking Cheryl's hand.

Cheryl looked confused, blinking at Toni as if she was unsure of the question. "I thought you'd like to know." She said.

Toni laughed, leaning over to kiss Cheryl quickly on the lips. "Cheryl, I don't care what you orientation is as long as you feel comfortable kissing me. If you like kissing me I should say. I just want you with no insecurities or anything like that." This is the period of happiness in Toni's life. The time where she can let her worries fall away and everything is good. Everything is good when Cheryl is beside her, holding her hand and smiling. It feels like it could last forever.

The problem is nothing lasts forever.

-

Jughead leans against Toni, head falling with a soft thump against her shoulder. She giggles, nudging him away but he falls back against her, snores emitting from him.

Cheryl rolls her eyes and flicks his nose, snorting when he jolts upward. "Hmm?" He murmurs sleepily, voice low and warm. "What?" He yawns, knocking his beanie off and cursing under his breath as he slides off his seat and onto his knees. He wrinkles his nose in disgust at the sticky theatre floor and fumbles in the dark for his hat before his fingers close around the familiar material. He pulls it back and hears someone say something to him. He pops up, scrambling to his feet to confront the person trying to take his hat. "What the hell do you want?" He growled, stomach turning when he noticed the guy was way more muscular than him. He looked like he had been lifting weights for years.

"Sorry, dude, just wanted to get your hat for ya." He had an easy smile and Jughead felt his cheeks heat up.

"No, I am the one who should be apologizing to you. Christ, I don't know what got into me." Jughead apologized, running a hand through his hair before taking the offered hat and plopping it on his head.

The guy laughed, shaking his head. "Seriously man, it's fine. I would've reacted the same way. Don't sweat it." He had a soft but commanding voice, one that wasn't overly aggressive but was made clear who was in charge. "Are you new in town? I haven't seen you around before and I definitely would've remembered a face like yours."

Jughead felt his cheeks turn red. It was a new experience for the boy with raven colored hair but he didn't exactly mind. Before he could answer, Toni piped up from beside him. "Shut the fuck up and sit down, you assholes. I'm trying to watch the movie." Toni complained, tugging on Jughead's sleeve. He shook her off, shoving his middle finger in her face so she could see it properly.

"Fuck off, Toni. Make out with your girlfriend and leave me the hell alone." Jughead responded, smirking when he heard Cheryl murmur something that sounded vaguely like yes please. "Yeah, I'm new in town." Jughead answered, turning back to the boy he was kind of flirting with. "Don't know many people yet and you seem pretty cool. Do you want to grab a bite to eat after the movie?" He asked, his palms feeling sweaty.

"That'd be great. I'm Archie. Archie Andrews." Archie introduced himself, holding his hand out.

Jughead subtly wiped his hand on his jeans before shaking Archie's hand. "I'm Jughead Jones. It's nice to meet you, Archie."

-

The movie passed by in a blur and suddenly Jughead was sitting in a booth at the diner, watching Archie drink a vanilla milkshake. Meeting Archie in the daylight had been a surprise. Archie had red hair and brown eyes. His smile was nice and his hands were warm. He was also wearing a letterman jacket. For some reason this did not deter Jughead's small instantaneous crush on the guy. He kind of wished it would have because now he's thinking about how great Archie's lips are. "So, want to know some wicked places to hang out?" Archie offered, an easy but unsure smile slipping across his pink lips.

"Not with you, the guy who just said wicked unironically." Jughead deadpanned, raising his eyebrow. Archie had the good sense to look embarrassed, his cheeks heating up. It was a clear contrast to his red hair and it pleased Jughead greatly.

"I was trying to sound cool." Archie explained, slumping in his seat. Jughead couldn't help the smirk that slid across his face and he certainly couldn't help the way it looked more like a smile than a smirk.

"You don't need to sound cool, Andrews. You already are."

Jughead blanched while Archie's face lit up with excitement. "Thanks, Jones. You're pretty cool too."

"Don't ever say that again. You'll ruin my rebel reputation." Jughead grinned when Archie burst out laughing, loud and carefree. His bones glowed underneath his skin, and light danced on his skin. His soul was laughing, breathless with happiness. Jughead didn't throw that word around often. He would describe his time with Betty as a frantic happiness, eager and desperate for more time, love, smiles, cuddles. Anything. He would describe moments with Jellybean as a content happiness, braiding her hair carefully and watching cartoons with her or telling her stories with varied graphic scenes.

With Archie it was different. It was blinding and sharp, a tinge of anger and edge glowing along their edges. Sparks brushed along Jughead's spine when their knees brushed under the table and when Archie smiled softly at him, as if Jughead was something special and interesting. It was strange and foreign but it left Jughead feeling as if he had taken all the Jingle Jangle in the world at once, the buzz of something like ecstasy flooding his veins. Being with Archie is something Jughead's never felt before but he wants to feel it forever. But he won't.

He's happy, not delusional.

-

While Jughead waxes, Toni wanes.

The brand new shine of Cheryl is fading and guilt is becoming Toni's new girlfriend. It clings to her, invading her senses and choking her. She drowns in her guilt every night. Dark circles lurk under Toni's eyes, ringed with shadows and secrets she's afraid of. Everybody has skeletons in their closets but Toni's closet is bulging, bony hands and feet poking out. Seeking for the next body it will take.

"Are you feeling okay?" Cheryl asks one morning, carefully applying her signature red lipstick. Her eyes almost flicker away from her task but they don't. Toni finds it a little hard to breathe after that because maybe it's symbolic of their relationship. Cheryl, stuck with herself and a reflection she can't look away from. Toni, stuck with her guilt glued to her hip like a twin and a potential girlfriend who looks at her own reflection with stars in her eyes. Maybe she should stick with guys. Maybe she should just date Jughead. It would be easier, and she isn't repulsed by him. Once upon a time she believed she could love him. He'd been a dark prince, one she thought she needed but she never actually needed him. She could stand on her own feet. Until she was holding the back-breaking weight of her guilt on her shoulders. It hurt, agony burning through her muscle and bones and destroying her skin.

"Yeah." Toni smiles and she isn't sure if Cheryl realizes it's fake or not but it doesn't really matter. "I'm fine." Cheryl turned to face her, a question dying on her lips as Toni kisses her, effectively smudging her lipstick. It's okay because if she doesn't mention the nightmares or the way her heart stutters sometimes or the way her breathe rattles in her paper-thin lungs. It's okay because she might be dying inside but she's smart enough not to mention it. It's okay, really.

-

Archie leans against Jughead, humming softly. Pop's is poorly lit, the lights dimmed. His hair is a mess and the streetlamps glow across Archie's face. It's almost angelic. His fingers fly across the phone, tapping out responses to his many friends. Moose wants to hang out but Archie taps out a no and then the next text is a joke.

 _What r u hanging out with ur boyfriend?? Dude no homo lmao!!_ Archie can almost picture Moose's jeering smirk. The words swim across the screen and he replies with a yes, homo before switching off his phone and swallowing roughly. His throat is so dry.

Jughead glances up, dark circles looking softer under the lights. Archie's smile is free of burden. Here in this moment he doesn't have to think of his failed relationships, his dad's hospital bills, his D in math, or how he's been off this season so far. Archie leans closer to Jughead, curling closer to him before closing his eyes. He feels complete. Strange, but complete.

-

There is a horrible buzzing in his veins, something sharp and unstable. It fizzes in his bloodstream, burning and chilling all at the same time. Archie's mouth is slotted against his, and when Jughead opens his eyes Archie's are closed. His face is twisted with something strange, like pleasure but more strained. He opens his eyes, light brown looking straight into blue. Jughead pulls back a little, his eyes widening frantically. "Archie," He mumbled, jerking backwards. "Archie, stop." He panted, pulling away from Archie.

"Why?" Archie whined, blinking at Jughead like a puppy.

"I can't." Jughead breathed, panic flooding his veins.

Archie sighed, leaning forward and gently kissing his neck. Jughead's chest tightened painfully. "Please." He mouthed against Jughead's neck. Jughead shivered, unpleasantly twitching.

"Stop!" Jughead snapped, shoving Archie away from him. Archie fell to the floor, annoyance draining from his face and horror taking its place.

"Jughead, man, I am so sorry-" He scrambled to apologize but Jughead refused to let him.

Jughead's head was ducked, and he was avoiding Archie's face entirely. "Get out." His voice was low.

"What?" Archie sounded puzzled.

Jughead lifted his head, blue eyes absolutely furious. "I said get the hell out!" He shouted, startling Archie and causing the redhead to flinch away. "Get the fuck out, Archie!" The dark haired boy screamed. Archie ran and Jughead stayed on the bed for an hour at least before Toni and Cheryl came home.

"What's wrong?" Toni immediately asked, grabbing Jughead's hands.

Jughead glanced at her, distant and untouchable. "We have to leave." He said blankly.

"When?" Toni asked weakly, horror causing her limbs to go numb.

"Now." Jughead hastened to stand, snatching his and Toni's clothes and putting them in a suitcase. Everything feels distant and not quite there.

-

"I have to leave." The sky looks so heavy from her position on the Blossom's front porch. Toni swallows thickly, her stomach twisting into unpleasant knots.

Cheryl is little more than a silhouette, her only distinguishing feature are her signature red locks. "I know." Toni strides forward, catching Cheryl's cold hands in her own. They look so pale, Toni observes. Toni kisses her girl, smiling against her lips and ignoring the sudden wetness in her eyes. "Goodbye." Cheryl's voice is weak, as if she's actually emotional over Toni's departure.

Toni smiles sadly but she isn't sure if Cheryl actually sees. It's awfully dark outside, and Toni isn't entirely certain Cheryl is looking at her. Toni shoves her stuff in the car, shutting the door with a slam that seems to echo in the vast pathway to the house. She can't seem to shake the feeling something is entirely wrong. Toni waves, oddly silent in the quiet darkness. She shuts the door softly and the van seems to understand the atmosphere because the usual horrendous sputtering and growling sounds that emit are gone and they are replaced with soft hums. It's soothing. Jughead and Toni are maybe five minutes away when Toni's hand reaches out and squeezes Jughead's arm. "Turn around." She insists and Jughead doesn't protest.

Cheryl blinks in confusion at Toni before opening her red mouth but Toni cuts her off. "Come with us." Toni says, feeling bold and impulsive.

"What?" Cheryl is presumably doing a double-take or at least that's what Toni is hoping she's doing. "Toni that's crazy." Cheryl says, sounding a bit frantic and a bit breathless.

"No, it's romantic, babe." Toni leans forward, lip caught firmly between her teeth. Her dark eyes are peering anxiously at the redhead she was positive she was in love with.

Cheryl laughs, but Toni isn't sure if it sounds unhinged or not. Her breathing stutters in her chest, and she is sure Cheryl will refuse. Cheryl doesn't. "Sure. Let me pack my bags." Cheryl disappears into the house, and Toni thinks that might be the last she sees of Cheryl Blossom.

It isn't.

Cheryl comes back out maybe thirty minutes later with three bags, a purse, and two suitcases. "For my makeup and other things that I could not possibly live without." Cheryl explains airily, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Toni takes her hand, heart in her throat and an animal chewing on her ribs. This is an adventure. This is a romance. This is a tragedy and they don't even know it.

-

Archie shows up at the motel the next morning, flowers in his hands, heart on his sleeve, and a genuine apology on his lips. The door swings open and the room is empty. Archie isn't sure what happened but maybe there's a note explaining Jughead's absence and his abrupt departure.

There isn't.

-

They spend several days on the road, listening to shitty CDs and an endless stream of awkward and stilted chatter. Toni relaxes more, arms flung around shoulders and messy grin and outrageously loud laughter. Cheryl is oddly pleased when Toni laughs at her lame jokes and she turns sharper when Toni eases into Jughead like it's second nature. Maybe she's possessed. Or maybe she's just possessive. Either one, really.

-

They don't notice the way Toni waxes and Cheryl wanes. The road is not good for Cheryl. Dirt clings to her fingernails, her hair is greasy, and her eyes are tired. Toni thrives, dirt caked to her skin in a way that speaks of familiarity and grease that somehow looks attractive in a shameful kind of way. Toni smiles and Cheryl frowns. It's not as noticeable as it should be.

-

It's a quiet night at a local rest-stop. Cheryl is outside, a cigarette dangling between two of her fingers. A red lipstick mark is on it, printed perfectly against it. Jughead is beside her, chain-smoking. He's already half-way through his pack but he doesn't stop. There is an ache in his bones, a restlessness that makes his knee shake.

"I never wanted this." Cheryl explains quietly, staring straight ahead in a blank movie stare kind of way.

Jughead exhales, smoke sliding from his mouth like he's a dragon. "I know." He says. He doesn't actually know, it was more of a suspicion than anything else but nothing was certain.

The next morning, Cheryl is gone.

-

Toni wakes up, and Cheryl's spot is cold. The shower is running, and Jughead is absent. He went and got his daily fix of junk food, Toni mused with a sleepy, fond smile. She ran a hand through her wavy hair, and the bathroom door opened. Jughead stepped out, and that's when Toni noticed Cheryl's things were gone. They leave two hours later with empty stomachs and frowns.

-

"I think I loved her Juggie." Toni whispers late one night, far away from any location Cheryl could possibly be.

"Did you really?" Jughead responds, eyes on the road and hands placed firmly on the steering wheel. It's dark, and knee hurts after he accidentally banged it on the steering wheel.

"Yeah." Toni's voice is quiet. "Yeah, I did." Toni assures, fingers pressed harshly against her jean clad legs.

Somewhere far away, Cheryl takes a drink of whiskey in a shitty bar. She thinks maybe she's made the biggest mistake of her life. She stands up, pays off her tab, reapplies her red lipstick, and calls a cab. Cheryl goes home.

-

The silence seems to stretch on for days. Toni's head lean on the window, and Jughead glances over at the girl with pink hair. "Do you-" he stopped, clearing his throat before trudging on. "do you think maybe it could've been us?" He questioned.

"What?" Toni glanced at him, a sad gleam in her brown eyes.

"Under different circumstances." Jughead clarifies, his cheeks heating up.

Toni briefly considers it before smiling. "Maybe." Her smile is sad.

"I'd like to think so." Jughead reaches out, squeezing Toni's hand. They will never be the same. They've experienced a rush and love they might never find again. But it's okay.

They drive into the sunrise because fuck the sunset. That's too emotional. It's the ending of a story, not a new beginning. Not a continuation. They hold hands and drive into the dawn. It feels a lot like something.


End file.
